Impact Story: Tracy Kesner
Impact Story: Tracy K.
What was your life like before Christ?
I had a very, very bad childhood; my dad was very abusive. Our kitchen door did not lock between our kitchen and garage because my dad kicked me through it with steel-toe boots on. I can write a book on stories of every account when coming home. My brother and I love animals. I particularly love dogs because my dad used to beat them so badly that I couldn’t save them. That’s why I’m attached to dogs, so that I can save those that I can. This was throughout high school, elementary, middle school, and then my mom left him, even when he was hurling threats. When I was little, my mom would take me in and out of church, and John 3:16 stuck with me. When I was a child, I always knew that I believed in God, but I didn’t know how much God believed in me. I never knew Love; I didn’t understand it. It was a very hard life in my 20s. I got saved, but then I still carry the scars for the rest of my life. Something happened in the church I was going to, and I backed away from God for a while. During this time, I was a very young mother. I had my daughter two weeks before I turned 15; this caused me to be pulled away from God for a very long time. Eventually, I met my husband, and I knew that he was a godly man, and that scared me. I didn’t understand what love was, so encountering him was something that terrified me. So we kind of went our separate ways for a couple of years, and then we ran into each other again. He and his family helped lead me back to the Lord. When his family was helping me out, all I could reflect on was a time when I was a child praying that I’d have a big loving family, and I got it now. God answered my prayers after a long time. Yet there was another thought in the midst, even though I prayed for god to remove these walls of mine, I fought
against God for years over this. God would tell me to tear down these walls I have built for myself. But here I am putting two more bricks while God is removing one.
against God for years over this. God would tell me to tear down these walls I have built for myself. But here I am putting two more bricks while God is removing one.
In your processing of life when you were younger, and the way it affected your family, the loved ones around you, and your husband Ed, when in the middle of this, did you wake up? Finally, seeing God revealed to you. Within the middle of the pain, the chaos, and the calamity, God was plucking you out of it.
I didn’t realize it now, looking back through the years. I didn’t realize that God was plucking me from it all. I mean, everything, as I said, I was fighting against everything that he was trying to work in my life. There was a time when my mom remarried. I talked to my stepfather about going to church, and he and my mom started to go. But here I am, the one who stopped going; they were on to me to start going back again. I fought against it over and over again, but I always knew in my heart that I should be closer to god. I always knew I should be sitting with someone and giving a testimony to help them. I don’t know; I guess the Holy Spirit has always made it known that I was gonna share my story. I can write a book on tragedy and how I was delivered out of that. What I went through with the kids in my neighborhood and my close friends- there’s so much bad in our lives, but all I wanted was to emphasize the good that is waiting at the end and that God did a total transformation in me during those times.
Seeing the product of those things within our church, we have middle school and high school leaders for Young Life and Wyldlife, and so they’re pursuing the same stories, but it doesn’t make one of those stories any less painful for you since you’ve come to Christ. You’re still trying to evangelize your family story. How do you think that God is using you right now in a unique way with what you've been through? Where do you see his hand in the lives of you and your family?
Well, I think that God wants me to step up more. For one thing, I think that I could be a good help to people who have trouble with this. I do feel that I went through those experiences because God wants to use them to help people. He wants to use me to be a light to others because, no matter where you are, if you put your faith in God, he’s not gonna promise that you’re gonna have an easy life, but you aren’t alone to stress through it. We’ve had struggles this year really struggled with the family health and stuff like that- but I don’t stress about that. I know God's with me no matter what, and he comforts me. I know that I’m gonna make it through it one way or the other; it’s in his hands. I’ve given up trying to control it all. I still like to control things, but there are things that I can’t control, and I give them to God because he will help you through it. The scars came back when He rose again. He still had his scars. I still have scars, but I have to put my faith in God that he’s gonna get me through whatever I’m going through.
If you could encourage if you’d be willing to think about it for a second, how would you say that the gospel is good news for someone who has been where you’ve been
Know this: even though it was very hard for me to accept love, accept that God loves everything about you. He loves you to the point where he will go through it alongside you. You have to put your faith in God, even when you don’t think anyone cares or no one knows about it; He knows and cares. He’s never far from you; you just have to hold onto that, even the love that he gives that others won’t.
Tracy is a testament of what God wants to do when we build walls of fear in our life, showing that He patiently dismantles them with His love. She looks back on these trials, not as a waste, but as a moment of time where she can encourage others of something more in the end and within. We pray that your deepest scars become the greatest tool in helping others. Let this be a reminder that you are never alone in these trials, even when your scars remain, this is proof of His sustaining grace.
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